Anyone who has planned a wedding has experienced that moment when wedding planning loses its fun factor. 

The long to-do lists. The many decisions to be made. The countless details to remember. At times, it can feel overwhelming. 

But I once heard a wise wedding planner say to a couple, "When wedding planning is no longer feeling fun, that's the time to go out to dinner, have a glass of wine, and do something that you both enjoy while working on your to-do list."

And I couldn't agree more. 

Not every minute of wedding planning is absolutely blissful - that's 100% totally normal. But there are things you can do to make it more enjoyable when you're not totally psyched about it. 

My personal favorite is to make a wedding planning date. Picnic in the park. Dinner on the town. Hike in the woods. Whatever it is that you and your partner enjoy. Doing something fun together while working through your to-do list takes a lot of the pressure off and naturally injects some fun into your planning.

And if you're in New England, DIY Wedding Mentor and a local wedding venue, An Affair by the Lake, have teamed up to provide couples with a one-of-a-kind wedding planning festival so that you can have an awesome time planning together - HITCHFEST.

HITCHFEST is a wedding planning festival that puts the FUN in wedding planning. Think outdoors, right on Lake Champlain with the Adirondack Mountains in the background, free food (wood oven pizza, tacos, etc.), live music, craft beer, wedding planning how-to seminars, crazy good giveaways, and even a campfire with s'mores.

Like the sound of it? Click here to see what HITCHFEST is all about, and how it puts the FUN in wedding planning!

Whatever you do this weekend, remember to have some fun - you deserve it :) ​

By Caitlin 

At the heart of any DIY wedding is the venue. It influences so much about a wedding - the decor, the location, and the overall vibe of the wedding. 

With DIY wedding venues, however, there is a lot to think about. This is generally because 1) they aren't primarily wedding venues, and 2) they don't come with a wedding planner or wedding coordinator to figure out all the details for you. And trust me, there are A LOT of details. 

But that doesn't mean you're out of luck. It just means you have to think through the things a venue wedding coordinator would - and that's what I love helping couples do. Every DIY wedding venue is like a puzzle to be figured out, and when all the pieces come together, the result is often beautiful and exceeds everyone's expectations! 

So today, I'm sharing three really important questions to ask your DIY venue BEFORE your wedding day, and actually, the earlier the better so that you have plenty of time to plan ahead. And if you're having a backyard wedding, you'll just want to think through these in advance.

1. Parking, Drop-Off Areas, + Unloading Areas
It's important to know if the parking areas are going to be easily identifiable for guests when they pull up (I'd say about 50% of the time at DIY weddings they are not super clear).

If it's not clear, you want to think about signage and/or having or a person to direct guests where to park. It's a pretty short job as most guests arrive within 45 minutes of the ceremony start time, but it can help get everything off to a smooth start.

Also, ask or think about where it's easy for people who have limited mobility to be dropped off and for vendors to unload. Ideally, it's best to communicate this information to those guests and vendors BEFORE the wedding day, so they know exactly where to go when they arrive.   

2. Electrical Outlets
The layout of a DIY venue is pretty important in the whole planning process because it influences the entire flow of the event. So being able to determine that sooner rather than later is always a huge help. Plus, with the floor plan finalized, you get to see your vision start to come to life, which is a whole lot of fun :) 

Knowing where the electrical outlets are is an essential part of figuring out your layout, and planning in advance for things like extra-long extension cords. It's good to position DJs, bands, caterers, and any vendors that require power and electricity where it can be easily accessed.

If you're using a mic for your ceremony (other than wireless), electricity will also be something to consider there. So it helps to know what you're dealing with right off the bat, and well BEFORE the wedding. 

For backyard weddings and some DIY venues, you will also want to know if there is enough juice to support all your vendors, or if you'll need to bring in a generator. Power does go out at weddings - so it is a real thing to take into account. 

3. Reception Hall Lighting 
There are times during the reception that you'll want the lights on (think during dinner, speeches, etc.), and times that you'll wanted them dimmed (think during your first dance, general dancing, etc.).

So figuring out the lighting situation BEFORE your wedding day is a good way to make sure the lights are on or dimmed when you want them to be. 

And if lights can't be dimmed, then you'll want to think about whether you want them on or off during times when lights would typically be dimmed. 

I highly recommend assigning one person who knows what you want to do for lighting to be on "lighting duty." Sometimes guests have a way of making these types of judgement calls on their own, and just turning them on and off as they see fit. 

And if you definitely want them on or off (say, during dancing), you may even want to put tape over the switch to make sure the lights stay that way. 

Hopefully these three things have given you some pointers in your DIY venue planning. If you want more, be sure to download our free checklist 27 Key Details to Know for Your DIY Wedding Venue! 

By Caitlin 

​When it gets closer to the wedding, the inevitable question comes up of "How do we walk down the aisle?" It's one of those things that's easy to overlook because the answer seems so obvious - just put one foot in front of the other and go, right?! 

But the more couples start thinking about it, the more obvious it becomes that there are a few things to consider. So I'm going to walk you through some general questions that can help you figure out the best processional order for your wedding. 

Keep in mind that there are TONS of variations for processional orders (including not walking down the aisle at all), so feel free to tweak and change things so that it feels right for your and your partner.  

QUESTION 1: How would you like to start the ceremony?

• Have attendants enter (a.k.a. the groomsmen or half the wedding party in a same sex wedding)
• Have the wedding officiant enter

Either of these options work just fine. If the officiant starts the processional, the attendants can follow or wait until later so all the wedding attendants enter together (more on this later).

Then choose how they will enter - by walking down the aisle or entering from the side of the alter (generally, from the right if you're facing the alter).

QUESTION 2: When would the first partner like to enter?

• Typically the groom follows the groomsmen after they enter. 
• Or you may decide to wait and have both partners enter at the end of the processional (more on this in Question 6)

If the wedding officiant wasn't the first person to enter, then he or she can follow the groom.

QUESTION 3: What family members will walk down the aisle?

• Grandparents of the groom typically go first, followed by grandparents of the bride (or whatever order suits you)
• Then parents follow in the same order

These people can either walk together (for instance, grandma and grandpa together) or can be escorted by siblings, cousins, or other important people.

If a parent is going to be escorting you down the aisle (traditionally, the father of the bride), then he or she hangs back until the end of the processional while someone else escorts the other parent.

When being seated, escorts can either sit with the people they escort down the aisle, have their own reserved seat a few rows back, or if they are are also an attendant, they can join the attendants after finishing their escort duties. 

As a side note, I've also seen grandmothers be the "flower girls" and walk down and toss flower petals right before the bride. It was pure amazingness (yep, that's the picture above!). 

QUESTION 4: Next up, remaining wedding party attendants

Now is the time to have your remaining attendants make their way to the alter.  

• Most often, they walk individually down the aisle
• If no attendants are at the alter yet, you can pair them up to get everyone down more quickly (for instance, pair up the bridesmaids and groomsmen so two walk down together at a time)
• Typically, the maid of honor is the last to to go (and if she's paired with the best man, they go last together)

Once the first person (or pair) reaches the alter, that person generally stand the farthest away from the center of the alter, and then the remaining attendants fill in the space.

I've seen this flipped though, where the maid of honor and best man go first, and stand toward the center of the alter. Then everyone else follows and stands behind them once they reach the alter. 
​
QUESTION 5: Are there kiddos to get down the aisle?

If so, get those kiddos down the aisle and show off all their cuteness! 

•  You can send the ring bearer first and then the flower girl, or they can go together

If the kids are young and you are not sure if they will walk down the aisle on their own, they can be pulled in a wagon or carried by a parent. 

Generally, when kids get to the end of the aisle, they take a seat with the guests or are handed off to a parent who is seated with guests. 

QUESTION 6: Are you ready!?!

Last up is the bride - or bride and groom together, brides, or grooms.

• You can either be escorted one at a time by a parent (or someone else important to you), walk down together, or walk down individually without an escort

And voila - those are the big questions to consider for your wedding processional. The processional order can go right into your wedding day timeline so it stays with all the most important information about your wedding day. 

Here's a Basic Sample Processional Order

• Groomsmen (enter from right)
• Groom (enters from right)
• Wedding officiant (enters from right)
• Grandparents of groom 
• Grandparents of bride
• Parents of groom
• Mother of bride escorted by her son, who is not in the wedding party
• Bridesmaids 
• Maid of honor 
• Ring bearer and flower girl
• Father of the bride and bride

Lastly, here are a few processional tips to put the finishing touches on your processional:

• When people are walking down the aisle, have them wait until the person in front of them gets about half way or two-thirds down the aisle before walking. This way guests can easily see each member of the wedding party as they enter.
• Brides and grooms can wait until the person in front gets to the end of the aisle before walking to make sure everyone sees them walk to the alter. 
• Once groomsmen are on the alter, have them all do the same thing with their hands (hold hands behind their backs, keep them clasped in front, or - most informally - place them in their pockets).
• Have the bridesmaids hold their bouquets at their waist so as not to cover up their dress.
• If you have an odd number of attendants, do not worry about people being paired up in two's. People can walk down the aisle in three's or individually - it's no biggie! 
• When you walk down the aisle go slow and soak up all the love of your family, friends, and life partner. It's going to be amazing, so make sure to take it all in!

And there wouldn't be a processional without a recessional, so here's a tip about that, too. People who are on the alter pair up and walk out together in the opposite order they came in (no need to wait until the people in front get to a certain point to head down the aisle). Then, they are followed by the rest of the party in the front rows, and next the guests.

The last and most important tip is this: it's good to know about the options and details for your wedding procession, but definitely don't obsess. Once the ceremony is over, get ready to get your part-ay on celebrating the BEST. DAY. EVER. 

Photo credit: Stephanie Rita Photgraphy

By Caitlin 

My experience with DIY weddings is that couples are pretty great at finding hidden gem DIY wedding venues, booking awesomely unique vendors, and creating amazing ambiance with personal touches.

Why are they awesome at these things? Well, it's because  DIY couples are incredibly resourceful. They are smart, and they figure out how to get things done.

There's one area though that I see a lot of DIY couples struggle with, however, and that's the wedding day timeline. Most often, I see wedding timelines that are about ten line items long, and truth be told, these are woefully short for a DIY wedding.

The fact is there is just not a ton of great planning information out their for DIY couples beyond cost-saving tips and DIY decor ideas. So couples often end up thinking they are making an awesome timeline based on their research, and then on the day of the wedding things still slip through the cracks. 

If you think about a short, ten-to-fifteen item timeline, it makes complete sense at a traditional wedding venue. Ceremony, cocktail hour, cake cutting, etc. are the "main events" that a couple needs to know about at a venue where a team of staff is handling everything behind the scenes.

At DIY weddings, there is no magic team behind the scenes organizing everything on their own. That job (and all the small tasks that need to be done to make sure everything goes smoothly) needs to be organized in advance by someone - generally the couple or their wedding coordinator.

So today I'm giving the overview of what to do if you want to make sure you timeline is completely adequate for your DIY wedding. I'm going all DIY wedding coordinator on this blog here, and sharing one of my very best tricks of the trade. Get ready :) 

STEP 1: Start with the standard items for your wedding

Pick the standard items that  you want to do on your wedding day. Think about things like first look, pictures with your immediate family and wedding party, the ceremony, cocktail hour, introductions, first dance, speeches, bouquet toss, etc.

Then talk to your vendors, and work with them to assign times to each of these big items.  

There are also plenty of samples of this part of the timeline, and here's a great post about getting the big timeline pieces in place by my one of my favorite wedding blogs, A Practical Wedding. 

STEP 2: Fill in your timeline with the details (psst...this is the crucial step!)

Now this is the step that a lot of folks miss. Again, it's no fault of their own because no-one is writing or sharing information about it (until today!).

Once you have the big items in place, you want to go back in and fill in all the smaller details of the wedding day. For example:

• What time are the vendors supposed to arrive? If it's not on the timeline, no one is going to know if a vendor is late or missing. 
• When should the bridesmaids have their bouquets? If it's not on the timeline, the bouquets may miss the pictures (true story - happened at our DIY wedding). 
• Do chairs need to be moved from the ceremony space to the reception space? If so, when and who will do it?

Hopefully, you get the idea, and if you want help thinking of these types of items, I've created this Wedding Details Checklist with 70+ items to make sure nothing slips through the cracks. 

And as you add these smaller details, make sure to add times for them and people to handle the various tasks. This way whoever is coordinating or acting as the point person for your wedding day knows all the tasks that are supposed to happen (not just the big events). 

STEP 3: Create  your "getting ready" timeline

This is particularly for all the ladies out there. You definitely want to have a getting ready timeline for hair and make up even if there are just a couple people in your wedding party. 

The morning-of the wedding is SO MUCH FUN, and time can fly by at the blink of an eye. So to make sure you and all your ladies are ready when you are supposed to be, make a hair and make up timeline to stay on track. This way you can show up to the ceremony relaxed, and bliss out on all the wedding love. 

And it's not a bad idea to let guys know when they should start getting ready, too, so they don't get lost in the excitement of a pre-wedding corn hole tourney. 

So that's it! It can seem like a lot at first, but once you get into it, things just start clicking into place. 

Want to learn more about creating a wedding day timeline that you know is going to work? Once that covers all the details and makes sure everyone - your vendors, wedding party, & helpers - are ready for the day? Check out our membership site. Get all the wedding planning materials you need for just $19/month. Opt out anytime! 

By Caitlin

What some of my family and friends know, but not too many other people know is that I really (like really) struggled when I was engaged.

Though I felt the normal stressors that come with wedding planning such as juggling constant to-do lists and navigating what, at the time, was the unfamiliar world of weddings, what I actually struggled with most is a thing I now know as relationship anxiety. 

Thankfully, relationship anxiety doesn't strike everyone when they get engaged. It tends to hit people who have Type A, perfectionist tendencies, and unrealistic ideas about marriage. That was -- and, at times, still is -- me to a tee.  

When Rick and I became engaged, I remember for weeks feeling the happiest I had ever been. Blissful. Elated. Jumping, dancing, and boogying on Cloud 9 happy. Then, almost as quickly as that feeling came, I soon found myself in what felt like a long, dark tunnel of despair.

During the day I would fixate on wedding planning details like the color of bridesmaids dresses, and at night I would constantly worry if I was going to be a good enough life partner for Rick. Or I worried if he was going to be a good enough partner for me. Truthfully, I obsessed about every thing that could go wrong if we got married. 

One day in the midst of this overwhelming stress, we went for a drive to seek out some nature and take a walk in the woods as we did so often when we lived in the suburbs and nature wasn't close by. 

And I remember on that cold, overcast spring day getting out of the car to go use the restroom in a bowling alley before we found a trail. As I crossed the street to the bowling alley, I felt light headed, woozy, and everything around me felt like it was shifting... surreal... fake in a way. I now realize I was experiencing the first signs of a panic attack. 

Somehow I kept it together enough to make it into the bowling alley and back out. Inside the car again and feeling foggy and exhausted, I realized something was really wrong, and if I didn't address this fear about marriage, it might just kill me (or at least that's what it felt like). But I was so scared that if I dug down, I'd find out that I wasn't supposed to marry Rick. 

It was through a Google search of "scared about getting married" that I found my way to Sheryl Paul's work. First, I read her book The Conscious Bride, which helped me realize I could form my own beliefs about marriage and weddings and didn't have to accept the fairy tale stories of childhood as truth. Then I enrolled in Sheryl's Conscious Weddings e-Course, and that's when things really started to change. 

I realized that the consuming fear of marriage wasn't surprising given my Type A tendencies and my parents' not-all-that-fabulous divorce in my pre-teen years. I had no idea what a successful marriage looked like or how to be the perfect partner I so desperately wanted to be. No wonder I was scared sh*tless.

I also connected with a bunch of other engaged women redefining what the idea of marriage and a wedding meant for each of them, which was completely inspiring and empowering.

I learned that there is no such thing as a perfect partner, and it was up to me and Rick to figure out together how to be supportive, loving partners to one another.

I learned that -- like in life -- there will be unexpected things during our marriage and on our wedding day. And I could choose in advance how I would respond.

I learned to focus my attention during our wedding day on my family, my friends, and -- most importantly -- Rick and the incredibly beautiful leap of faith we were taking together, quite literally hand in hand.

And I learned the little details I was obsessing about, like bridesmaids dresses, truly, truly didn't matter.

It was this new understanding about marriage and weddings, that made my wedding day the happiest day of my life. I had learned how to let go of needing to control every little thing, and in the process found a deeper enjoyment of our wedding and new marriage. 

Though that deep, all-consuming fear royally sucked in the first months of our engagement, I now appreciate it because it cracked open my life like a nut, releasing all sorts of possibilities for love and enjoyment that I never new existed.

As a result, I realized that despite my fear about finding out I wasn't supposed to marry Rick, I actually found my love for Rick -- and his for me -- was much deeper than I ever allowed myself to feel before. I found that no one is "supposed" to marry anyone. Love is the action of choosing someone day after day, year after year.

Though I don't think many of my clients have experienced relationship anxiety while engaged, thankfully, it has allowed me to understand their worries, stress, and fears about their wedding day at a deeper level. When someone says "Do you think I should redo the programs so they are tied with a ribbon and not stapled?" I can answer that question from my whole heart.

So my one piece of advice for couples that I've gained from this -- shall I say -- "intense" way of getting married and beautiful two-and-a-half years of marriage is this: When you let go of controlling every little detail on your wedding day and in your marriage, that is when the real magic, beauty, and joy unfolds. It's love that's found in letting go.